9/12/12

When Nature Attacks!

Aw, would this little guy hurt you? Yes, yes it would.
Isopods are set to attack tonight in Barry Levinson's The Bay, but they're not the swarming, eco-horror threat the world has faced.

You might think frogs and toads are just cute amphibious creatures who hop, eat insects and host variety shows. But there's more to them, much more.  Frogs are strategic geniuses marshaling all the forces of nature, as Ray Milland and Sam Elliott discovered to their horror in Frogs (1972).


Ray Milland's character is 12x scarier than
a giant frog with a taste for human flesh.

The ants of Phase IV (1974) are similarly sentient and they are supergeniuses. As the trailer proclaims, "How can you outsmart an enemy who knows your next move before you do?"  Also, it was directed by known ant-sympathizer, Saul Bass. Who can stand against the united powers of Saul Bass and ants?


Surrender, human, you cannot overcome ants or
awesome shots composed by  Saul Bass like this one.

In Squirm (1976), humanity faced the actually slithering, slow-moving, squicksome horror of... earthworms, possibly even nightcrawlers!

It is, definitely, squicksome.

It's impossible to know whether the spiders in Kingdom of the Spiders (1977) have a plan. They are definitely ticked off, though. They've had enough of humankind and have decided to cover everything in webs. Not even the dulcet tones William Shatner can soothe them.

Spiders seize control of our air defenses.

Sure, there are piranha in Piranha, but in James Cameron's Piranha 2: The Spawning, the piranha can fly!  Ask any military strategist, even a human one will tell you that's a serious situation. Especially when our air forces have been grounded by pissed off spiders. Aggravated by humans catching fish while the fish are spawning, flying mutant piranha attack humans while humans spawn at a resort!

I can fly, mofos.

The Long Weekend (1978) is probably the ultimate in nature trying to kill people films. It demonstrates that sometimes nature really, really hates people and will do everything it can to kill them. Especially really horrible jerks.

Sometimes people are so horrible
that you just want to help nature out.


So have fun at The Bay, and remember don't go in the water, or too close to the water, or the woods, or outside the theater.  And maybe try not to shoot nature.


THE BAY screening times:
Wed., Sept. 12th, 11:59 PM RYERSON
Thurs., Sept. 13th, 2:45 PM CINEPLEX YONGE & DUNDAS 6

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